Experiencing death from a child's eyes is a sobering experience. It's like watching the reality of their own mortality as well as that of those around them sink in.
Rene passed away, and today was her funeral. Before today, when we told them about it, I guess it was too abstract for them to really process it. Kevin had general questions about death and heaven, as well as what was wrong with Rene's health. He had a bit of a hard time sleeping that night, but Jay was fine. Then, with the whirwind of extended family, they were somewhat distracted. They played with their cousins & ran around the same as they would during any normal family gathering.
Tonight, that all changed for Jay. As family left,and our normal routine resumed, it was soon time for him to lay in his new room, alone with his thoughts. It seems that was when the gravity and permanence of death set in. He cried for awhile. We encouraged him to talk and explore his feelings. He told us he realized that as he gets older, more family member would die. He said he was going to really miss Rene and couldn't believe she was truly gone. He recounted memories of his of get-togethers at her house where he played with some toys she had in a spare bedroom, particularly a white and green Publix truck that he long ago fell in love with. He said that truck held a lot of his memories with her. I had no idea that Jay had such clear memories going as far back as age 3. It seemed that talking did calm him, but he did not want to sleep alone. We inflated a spare mattress and set him up in Kevin & Brendan's room.
Kevin had more questions and recounted a few memories, but after the long and busy weekend, he went to sleep quickly. He had a more difficult time the night he found out.
Too often adults forget that children are people. We cannot shelter them from the parts of life that are hard. Doing this is a great disservice. While we are here, we have the responibility as parents to help our children deal with the difficult things, like death. It is only while we are such an influential part of their lives that we have the opportunity to teach them healthy coping mechanisms for hard feelings. Denying them that opportunity perpetuates the mystery and terror surrounding the unknown, such as death, that is so prevalent. If we preach to our children the principle of life after death, but fail to acknowledge death when it is imminent, how are they to learn to apply such an abstract idea?
Still, there are many who believe children should be sheltered from funerals and death as much as possible. I don't advocate taking children to funerals of acquaintances or casually-known people. I believe keeping them away from the funeral of a familiy member, though, would make them feel cheated. At least I know MY kids would.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Let the Water Fun Begin!
Jay, Kevin, and John had a blast splashing around and beating eachother up. I love watching all my men enjoying time together. To me, this is what life is about. I consider myself rich and successful. :o)
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