The joys and chellenges of motherhood lie in all the small things often overlooked by the general population. Follow my thoughts on random things and information on birth, parenting and breastfeeding.
"One thing you can depend upon is that your birthing will be *powerful!* Powerful pressure, powerful stretching, powerful pushing sensations and intense joy. Expect these powerful sensations and emotions, appreciate them for what they are; they bring your baby to you.” –Hypnobabies (Official)
So very, very true! As my mother-in-law told me early in my prodromal labor, you just have to let go and give in to the power for those almost consuming contractions to do their job. Sounds simple enough in theory, but the application of such a surrender in such an intense situation is a life and mind-altering experience. Many of us don't even surrender as completely as is needed for the powers of birth to take over while making love. Relinquishing all self-control and letting all the walls come crumbling down is the biggest challenge we face when staring the power of birth in the eye. So many women either decide not to let that guard down or are unable to for whatever deep, personal reason and go straight for the medications. These are not without their own consequences, let us not forget!
Here's another quote I love:
There is a secret in our culture, it's not that birth is painful, it's that women are strong." - Laura Stavoe Harm
YOU can do it. Only YOU can tap into the primal part of YOUR brain that knows how to birth. All the childbirth classes and books in the world cannot MAKE you look birth in the eye, close your eyes, and release...
Here are some other quotes I focused on during labor (although I didn't know I was really in labor):
"I can do all things, through Jesus Christ, who strengthens me."- Philippians 4:13
"Fear and faith cannot coexist and they both demand different conclusions and actions."- Christy Faber
"Don't fight the pain!"
"R.I.S.E.-P.E.A.K.-F.A.L.L."
"Just as a woman's heart knows how and when to pump, her lungs to exhale, and her hand to pill back from fire, so she knows when and how to give birth."- Virginia Di Orio
"One contraction at a time"
"Labor is simply a series of contractions that open the mouth of your womb and push out your baby." -Birthing from Within
"LET GO"
"OPEN"
"Anything that I've ever done that was ultimately worthwhile... Initially scared me to death."- Betty Bender
"A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come, but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world."- John 16:21
Does it hurt? Yes, but it is a pain completely different from any other that you have experienced or will ever again experience. With the added plus of it ending with the highest "high" you will ever experience, IF you let it happen.
My big kids are down in Miami visiting my mother and sisters in law. I know they're having a blast, but I miss them so much! It's so funny: they're here all the time and they fight, make big-kid messes, and keep the baby from napping. Sometimes make funny comments and remarks that flirt with the line of disrespect. They track dirt in the house and occasionally leave the door open and let bugs fly in.
You know what, though? I miss it all. I love my crazy big boys. I love watching them discover the world. I love being the one to teach them the difference between being funny and being rude (even though it's usually rude and funny). They do help out tremendously. For every time they wake the baby up, there are several more times that they play with him and keep him happy. They have gotten to know many of his cues and are incredibly in-tune with him. Seeing the way they interact with their baby brother swells my heart in a way that nothing else ever can. Nothing else even comes close.
So, with all that, I say that I MISS MY CRAZY BIG BOYS!
Today Mr. Brendan was hanging out with Daddy, playing with some hangers in a basket of laundry I need to work on. He started out sitting on the couch, and the basket was on the floor. Who knows what sparked his interest in these clothes hangers? He noticed them and started lunging his whole body toward them, so Daddy sat him on the floor where he could safely get to them. I guess one must have been on the coffee table, because after a few minutes of taking all my hangers out of the basket (ohhh, and so it begins!), he started lunging toward the coffee table, which was right next to the basket in front of him, and pulling up on it! He just about pulled to standing when he lost his grip and almost *ate* the coffee table. Wow. He'll be 6 months on Wednesday. He scoots, but doesn't pick up his body and *officially* crawl. I know I'm in trouble with this one!
Almost immediately, we set out to lower the crib mattress and remove the bumper, and also remove the mobile and mount it to the wall. He only naps in the crib right now, but all it takes is an unsupervised second for some sort of catastrophe to happen. I guess he definitely won't be taking any more naps in his co-sleeper unsupervised! I'm sure he's probably getting to the weight limit for it, anyway. My plan is to use it until it's unusable for him.
Jeez, time really doesn't mess around, like my brilliant SIL posted a bit ago!
We are mammals, whether or not this is something we choose to acknowledge. All mammals retreat to a dim, quiet, secluded area to deliver their young. Many times we humans even miss the birth of pets we may have because of this practice! We have much to learn from our fellow mammalian friends. They also do not chase their newly born young to nurse. The young find their own way to mother’s milk in their own time.
During your labor, maintain dim lighting and a quiet, serene environment (as the situation allows). Most hospitals have individual thermostats in each room so you can keep the temperature comfortable. You will not be allowed to eat while in labor in the hospital, so make sure support people know not to eat in front of you. Have them also keep voices calm and low. As the birth draws near, warm the room for your baby (about 73-75 degrees is ideal).
Our human babies generally do not experience the peaceful births that other mammals do. Our end of labor and birth is challenging- as you no doubt have heard. What is little mentioned or thought of is the baby’s experience. It goes something like this:
So far, baby has not experienced pain, hunger (since they are fed continuously through the placenta and umbilical cord), or cold. Maybe not even pain. He/she has never been unwillingly touched. Baby is still and calm inside the womb, when suddenly his/her walls start pressing in rhythmically. Slowly, baby is squeezed lower and lower into the birth canal. It must turn in order to pass the bones of the pelvis, and then turn again for the shoulders to be born. Its face is out first, hit with a gush of cold air. The doctor pulls the baby out from the mother, and generally suctions the baby without much thought. This may be a painful assault to the baby. Then, baby may be handed to you briefly or shown to you, and then whisked away to the warmer for evaluation. Strangers pull on baby’s legs and arms to check reflexes. Two shots are generally given: one on either thigh (vitamin K and Hepatitis B). An antibiotic cream is then squirted into baby’s eyes, blurring this new place even more than it was. Finally, baby is diapered and swaddled tightly and then handed to you.
The first hour following birth is when you and newborn will be most alert and are likely to nurse well. After this initial hour, both baby and mom begin to shut down, as the flood of birth hormones decrease and tiredness sets in. Mom, as an adult may have the ability to force herself to stay awake through this feeling, but baby will shut down for many hours. This is a normal physiological process for both.
**It does NOT take more than 15-30 minutes to assess a healthy, full-term baby. If the staff is exceeding this time, ask whether something is wrong. If not, ask that they resume their tasks later, to ensure you get the most of your new beginning.**
Once baby is born, resume quiet, dim environment as soon as possible. Keep in mind the way your baby has experienced our world so far, and give him/her time to take it in. Unwrap your baby and lay him on your bare chest. You can have your partner help undo the snaps on your hospital gown and place baby inside. Lay the blankets over both of you. Holding your baby skin-to-skin warms him/her better than any warmer can. Being close with you this way also helps to regulate his/her breathing, heart rate, and helps to decrease stress levels. High stress hormone levels in a newborn can lead to respiratory distress. This is especially important if your baby was born too early. There is a lot of research supporting the benefits of skin-to-skin contact for premature babies.
Baby may be crying at this point. Let him express himself while you soothe him with the warmth of your body, familiar heart rhythm and voice.
Once baby is calm, he may start to bob to one side- usually the side they were most comfortable in utero. Support baby by the shoulders, allowing him/her to lie on their preferred side. Avoid pushing on the back of baby’s head, as this is unpleasant to anyone. Next, try rubbing his/her head, then jaw line/ear, cheek, then mouth. If at any time baby cries, turns away, or arches his/her back, back off to the last place they tolerated touch. This is known as an aversion reaction and may be due to the feeling of being suctioned at birth. Move forward again in a minute or two. Once baby is comfortable with touch to the lips, you may notice he/she turns his head toward the touch. This is known as the rooting reflex. You may then offer the breast to baby. To offer the breast, touch your nipple to baby’s upper lip. The idea is for baby to open in an upward motion. He/she should be positioned “belly-to-belly and chest-to-chest, chin buried in the breast.” The following video by Ameda shows the proper way to offer the breast to baby as well as a bit of anatomy of the breast.
This picture also gives an idea of what starting a good latch will look like.
Breastfeeding should NOT hurt.Some nipple discomfort is common in the early days, as your body adjusts to using breasts for feeding, but it should never be painful. Pain is a signal from the body that something is wrong. If you feel pain, break the latch by inserting a clean finger in the side of baby’s cheek by the gum line. NEVER pull baby off. This will damage your nipples and cause great pain. If you are consistently experiencing pain, get help from an experienced breastfeeding helper in your community as soon as possible. It is important that baby learns to breastfeed properly in the beginning. Once baby is latched, listen for swallowing sounds. If you hear swallows, baby is drinking! It may take a few times of re-latching baby before it feels right to you. This is NORMAL.
If baby turns away, seeming disinterested, this is also normal. A baby is fed continuously inside you, and their belly will likely be full of amniotic fluid at birth. The fluid left on the umbilical cord stump will also be consumed by your baby. At birth, his tummy is approximately the size of a shooter marble and does not have the capacity to expand. Baby may just not be hungry for up to 48 hours after birth. As long as the baby has wet and dirty diapers, there is no cause for concern. The following chart shows the growth in baby’s tummy in the first days:
It is important to continue to offer the breast frequently. In the first days following the birth of your baby, your milk is called colostrum. This milk is very concentrated (100 times more concentrated than mature milk), thick, and small in quantity- perfect for the size of your baby’s tiny tummy. Colostrum helps to “immunize” your baby against the germs he/she is coming into contact with by being in the hospital and being handled by visitors. Always make sure anyone who hold the baby washes their hands before doing so! Breastmilk, especially colostrum, acts as a laxative inside baby’s gut. This is important because it helps baby to pass their fist stool: meconium. Meconium collects inside baby’s intestines throughout the pregnancy. It is black and tarry in consistency. Ask for extra wipes!
If baby does not pass this meconium soon after birth, they may develop jaundice, a condition in which the baby’s skin turns yellow because of high levels of bilirubin. To prevent this, nurse as much as possible! Newborns may nurse as often as hourly in the first day or two of life. This in no way means they are not getting enough. Sleepy, premature, or medicated babies may be more reluctant to nurse, and may go 3-4 hours without waking up to feed. Listen to your baby. As long as pees and poops are normal, this is fine.
The early days
After the first two-three days, babies commonly nurse every 2-3 hours, although more common feedings are also normal. Babies also settle into a variety of feeding patterns, so it may not be a consistent every two hours. Watch your baby for hunger cues, which can include the rapid-eye-movement phase of sleep (important for sleepy, premie or medicated babies). The progression of feeding cues are generally as followed:
Quiet alert period- baby just woke up and is quietly looking around
Rooting/lip-smacking- baby turns toward everything that touches his/her cheek
Mouthing- baby sucks on fingers, fists, clothing or anything else nearby
Whining/whimpering- baby has been hungry and is getting impatient!
Crying- late indicator of hunger. It is often difficult to achieve a good latch once baby gets to this point in the early days. Calm baby before attempting to feed.
A baby that is very sleepy, is medicated, premature, or not gaining well may need to be woken for feedings. With these babies, breast compression (also called breast massage) can help to “motivate” them and help to them get more at each feeding. To do this, rub from the chest wall toward the nipple during a feeding all around the breast to ensure you stimulate all milk ducts.
So, how do you know if your baby is getting enough? What goes in, must come out! Pees and poops will become your best friends. Below is a chart that outlines the minimums of the first week of diapers. Expect AT LEAST one pee/ one poop per day of life the first week. Note that your baby may pee and poop more than this, and that is also normal!
As your baby grows older, expect at least 6-8 wet diapers in 24 hours, and 1-2 poops a day. Your baby may even poop every other day, and this is normal. After about 4 weeks of age, poops may even drop to once or twice a week.
In the first days, it is normal for baby to lose 7-10% of his/her birth weight. By day 10, he/she should be at least back to birth weight. If you have a concern, contact a lactation consultant, pediatrician, or your WIC office. They can weigh your baby at any time.
Milk production works on supply and demand. In other words, the more your baby takes, the more your body makes. In order to ensure a good supply, forget about time, bottles, and pacifiers. Allow baby to comfort at the breast and do not restrict feedings to any sort of schedule. Watch your baby, not the clock!
To the right are a few common positions to try when breastfeeding your baby. The football hold is generally comfortable with smaller babies and with moms that have had cesareans. Side-lying is wonderful for getting some rest after baby is born, especially at night! Cross-cradle is great for controlling baby’s head while you are both learning how to breastfeed together. Remember never to push on the back of baby’s head, and always have baby’s body facing you: “Belly to belly, chest to chest. The chin is buried in the breast.”
By about day 3 or 4, your colostrum will begin to transition to your mature breastmilk. During this time, you will likely experience an uncomfortable fullness in your breasts, called engorgement. This is temporary, usually lasting less than a week as long as you are nursing frequently and watching your baby’s hunger cues. Remember: watch your baby, not the clock!Here are some things you can do to relieve the pressure and fullness:
Use warm compresses before feedings, and/ or cold compresses between feedings
Breast massage, especially during feedings
Place fresh cabbage leaves in your bra. Remove when beginning to wilt.They have anti-inflammatory properties and have been shown to relieve moms
Take a warm shower and let the milk flow
If you are so engorged that baby is having a hard time latching on, express a little milk prior to latching. Be careful not to express so much that the body mistakes this as part of the feeding! Remember that milk is supply and demand.
Make sure baby finishes one breast before offering the other. The breast is never truly “empty,” but it should feel soft after baby comes off on his/her own. If baby comes off, burp him/her and then offer the other side. If baby does not seem interested, he’s full! If baby is gaining well and falls asleep at the breast, there is no need to wake him to take more.
Signs that breastfeeding is going well include:
You can hear baby swallowing during a feeding.
After the milk transitions, the breast is soft after nursing.
Baby seems satisfied after nursing.
Baby is having adequate wet and dirty diapers (see chart above).
Baby is gaining weight.
Next- Getting Breastfeeding Started:
The First Month and Breastfeeding in Daily Life (Stay Tuned)
