I had Brendan in the mei tai. He usually likes me to be mobile, & as I expected, he started "the squirms" as soon as I sat, so I got up. First an ushers asked me to go to the back- away from my family-, & was "offered" to sit in a chair along the back wall. I politely declined, telling the guy that the baby wanted to be standing.Then I was asked to move out of the aisle & behind everyone. This one guy kept telling me. Then he called my sister-in-law out & talked to her (she's an active member, involved in many ministries). She then came & told me he wanted me BY THE DOOR because MY SHADOW was distracting to those in front of me. No one in front of me had complained. I was THERE! To me, that is the same as being kicked out. I wanted to scream! I said, "youre kidding..." she said no & was red. I said loudly, "SERIOUSLY?! For that, I'll just go to the lobby. It's the same thing!"
I didn't do or say more, because this was during the gospel message. I wanted the message too! Anyway, they did have speakers in the lobby & some couches, but it's not the same. I like to watch the pastor deliever the Message. To me, that is a major element of it! I was so angry & I kept asking God in my head how to handle this. I'm not a kid anymore. Screaming & making a scene wouldn't change anything. This is a very young congregation, so many members will be starting or growing their families soon. I want to change the attitude.
I stopped going to church when I had Jay, my oldest, at 18 because of this type of attitude. That was a moment in my life that I MOST needed the love & support of a church family. I don't want that to happen to others.
Anyway, while I was seething & trying to figure out what to do next, I saw a box with prayer request cards. I requested prayer for their church & described my situation & that I felt ostracized. I mentioned that they have an opportunity to grow healthy, faithful families with the right support. This isn't it. I told them that my goal as registered nurse and La Leche League Leader is for new moms to find support in the community and to educate the public about the needs of young families. I even said this may be an opportunity for a new ministry within the church. I mentioned my previous experience and leaving my own church.
After a bit, a young girl passed by & asked me if everything was ok & I told her the situation. She was apologetic & in disbelief. Another young girl came out to check on her friend & we all talked a bit. They were both 18. Neither of them wanted to leave me out there alone. We talked a bit about breastfeeding benefits and how to work it into life as I nursed Brendan to sleep. I then went back in for the final blessing. After the service, I talked to the pastor about the situation too. I feel like it's not enough. From what I hear, the guy was the pastor's dad, coerced by his over-bearing mom.
Unfortunately, even though the pastor seemed genuinely sorry and embarrassed for my situation, he later went on to exaggerate and even lie about the situation! He claimed the people in the row in front of me (who could not stop telling me how cute and how well-behaved Brendan is) were complaining about my shadow being cast over them and that I was hitting someone in front of me from behind. I was never even that close to the row!
This experience left me feeling frustrated, angry, and powerless. I am working so hard to improve things for breastfeeding mothers and mothers in general, and this was such a simple situation that I usually take for granted. I've never had anyone take issue with just standing with my child. He never cried or fussed. He never even made a sound. I am still in disbelief.
So many people feel that Christians are a bunch of hypocrites, and that keeps them from a relationship with God. So many refuse to believe in anything spiritual at all, for a variety of reasons. These actions are among those that keep people away. I could have been anyone! A battered woman, seeking help. A wealthy woman looking to contribute largely. A person not raised faithfully and attending out of curiosity. ANYONE.
Attending my own home church today was like a breath of fresh air. It was like being welcomed by your warm, comfortable, cushy bed after a horrible vacation sleeping in a chair or on the floor in the cold (or heat, whatever you hate more). It isn't because my church has a nice building or the best ministries (although they do have nice facilities and pretty great ministries). It isn't because I know people there or because I live here. When you attend my church, you could be a homeless bum or an heiress- everyone gets the same warm welcome and has equal access to hearing God's Word. You feel differently. There's an genuine, upbeat, positive energy about it all that has nothing to do with any material or worldly goods. THAT'S what church services should feel like- regardless of location, denomination, or prevalent culture, gender, or financial status.
I am glad to be back!
Below are some resources on parenting and religiosity:
Has anything like this ever happened to you? I welcome everyone's thoughts, but let's keep it respectful.
Did you ever contact the church back Solimar? I have been thinking about you and our chats!
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